You want to start
dating (or you are
dating and you want
to attract more
an authentic dating
You want to start dating (or you are dating and you want to attract more eligible and desirable dating partners). Creating an authentic dating profile can be daunting. How do you write something that shows who you are and filters and attracts the people you want?
Cathy: Welcome, everyone. This is Cathy Vartuli from The Intimacy Dojo, and we're here with Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Uh-huh. Dating profiles today.
Cathy: It's a great topic, because a lot of people don't have a clue about how to write them or filter people. And so, either they don't, because they have no idea what they're doing, or they write something really innocuous, and then people have no idea who they are, so they're not attracted to them. So, Reid, what's the first question that you can ask to filter people and see if they're a good match or not?
Reid: Well, because I'm a sex geek, basically I'm like "Do not send me naked pictures of you."
Reid: And then if they send you a naked picture, they're off the list. Immediately. They just did you a favor! So, basically creating some sort of - not hoop, necessarily, for them to jump through - but you want to know that they're paying attention, that they're actually reading, and that they got it.
So some sort of, "Before you tell me anything about yourself, answer this one question." And if you get a reply and they don't answer that question, you don't need to read any further - whatever that question is for you. This is my favorite dinner conversation question, but - and please feel free to steal this - "If I couldn't learn anything more about you via the Internet, what are three books you would want me to read to get to know who you are as a person?"
Reid: And then if that person doesn't send you within the first couple of paragraphs those three books, you know that they're not paying attention. So you just need to frame it that way, whatever that ends up being for you - something that's engaging. You're really just creating a hoop, so if they don't follow through on something like that, you can just really have the peace of mind to cross them off your list.
Cathy: I like what you said, "Please don't send me naked pictures." I put that near the top of my profile, because I was getting a lot of naked pictures, and it was not what I was looking for. Putting something like "I'm a bigger woman" - I put that right at the top - could we have a question or something about that, that would be helpful to people?
Reid: Yeah, you could basically say... The way that I do it, when I'm advising people on profiles, is "Say the scary stuff," because if you scare them away, that's perfect. That's where you're vulnerable, because you're like, "What if I scare everybody away?" Honestly? You're probably not going to scare everybody away.
Cathy: I did think it would scare everyone away to put that at the top of my profile. "I'm a big woman. If you don't want to date big women, please don't e-mail me."
Reid: And what was your experience?
Cathy: I got a lot of responses. I had to actually tighten up my ad so I was getting to filter out people, because I was getting more people than I could actually go out with.
Reid: And the "Don't send me naked pictures" - did that help?
Cathy: Definitely. If they send me a naked picture, then I know they're not paying attention.
Reid: But did it actually cut down on the amount of naked pictures?
Cathy: It did cut down on the amount of naked pictures.
Reid: Okay. Now, if you're into naked pictures, just put at the top: "PLEASE send me a naked picture," and if they don't send you one, then you can cut them out.
Cathy: You can specify what you want.
Reid: "Send me a picture of your left foot."
Cathy: [laughs] If you need any help writing your profile or getting out there and dating, Reid is an amazing coach, and I did some coaching with him...
Reid: So are you.
Cathy: Thank you! So...
Reid: [whispers] I'll be lucky if....crazy! [points to Cathy] She's way saner!
Cathy: Saner? Not necessarily. I mean, you gave me some great advice for getting out there and I really appreciate it. I love sharing that with people. Get out there and date!